Month: April 2019

I can only imagine what this will be like! In a quiet daydream state of mind, I try to focus on what Paradise could possibly be. As I catch myself from spinning around in an endless circle of meaningless thoughts, I try to envision a better outcome through these many losses. It’s hard to see the distant future when we are staring at a torn down town. Paradise. It’s challenging at best, for it to be all it’s name implies. Our sweet memories are remembered like the light of day. Yet, our bitter losses can capture our thoughts & weaken our weary souls. As I walk on this imperfect path, I’m often faced with looking back in time to face my fears. I must conquer the enemy of defeat, from robbing my joy & stealing the peace, that keeps my feet from slipping again. I remember how the rage of the fire took all we had. Our memorable souvenirs of yesterday’s years gone by, like echoes in our minds. We watched the flames take our home, all our hard earned work, creative projects & a lifetime burned to the ground. The wounds of the battle left scars that grew deep & slowly stole pieces of our hearts, one by one. It was only by careful reflection & prayerful searching, that I was able to find healing, to mend & repair the damage of this heated past. Now I can only imagine what life was like before my own little world crumbled into a pile of metal & ash. But when you really think about it, we always have losses in one form or another. This is how we use loss to make us stronger, build us better & create in us something more beautiful than before. We are over-comers, who rise to the occasion of becoming all that we are created to be! We may be pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed! We may be perplexed, but we will not be driven to despair! We may get knocked down, but we will not be destroyed! Though the enemy like a lion seeks to devour us, we are NEVER abandoned by God! When I see the countless possibilities, I can envision something better than before. We may seem to be at a disadvantage, even severely disabled, but through these losses we are neither. We are just differently abled! It starts with the face in the mirror. We choose a life that rises above the ashes & believing that with God’s help, we can make something impossible become possible again! May we again, find Paradise to be all it’s name implies!

Oh, what a beautiful mess! I cannot possibly fill this blank & empty page with enough heartfelt gratitude. I give praise & thanksgiving to God, for all that He has done! What reckless doubt & unspoken thoughts I had, when all was so quickly gone. Though untouched by the fire that surrounded us, we felt so deeply torn. We stared at what it left of our home, not only a terrible mess, but also a scar on our hearts. Like a wandering sojourner, I was looking for a meaningful purpose to this chaos. A reasonable way to find peace & rest. I battled the heat of the loss & the flames that consumed my thoughts. Yet, I found refuge in the old rugged cross! My heart was complete, though broken & shattered, my mind was renewed, though thoughtlessly scattered. My soul was reborn when I felt helpless & useless, as I depended on Him, He held me together. This was my beautiful mess! A delicate balance to the steps of a dance, through the summer seasons & winter songs. I was captured by the One who held the whole world, my little world, in the palm of His hands. I’m no longer alone in the shadow of darkness, walking through the ashes of grief. He tenderly carried me through it, like the footprints in the sand. I am free from harm, safe in His loving arms. Now I’m walking onward, like a conqueror on a quest to make peace with my past. I move forward, one day, one step at a time. We’ve seen what seemed like an impossible dream, become something much more beautiful than before! All in His perfect time. He takes the mess that we are & He uses it, to make something more beautiful in us. Now we are the ones who are blessed, all from this beautiful mess! Oh, what a Savior we have! He gives Beauty for Ashes again & again… my beautiful mess I am!

Painting by: Jim G Peppler “Rolling Sun”

Coming down the long narrow road, I gaze up at the barren hillside to catch a glimpse of the lost battlefield. It was not that long ago that I had seen the daring young lions, Nala & Simba, heirs from the king of the mountain, gallantly roaming their lush marked territory. I’d often thought how their eerie presence was one I cautiously respected & admired, but only from a distance. Now my wandering eyes seek to find a similar scene, a familiar memory of warm sunny days, catching Brer Rabbit hopping into his safe bunny hole. Alas, I spot his pounding paws over spiny weeds & burnt mistletoe, as he gathers berries for his midnight dreams. The dried out burned up trees & scorched scarred ground, cries out in vain. I stare at what little remains of once green rolling hills, with plentiful rows of daffodils, lilies, dandelions & fern. This mountain has sadly suffered. It’s deeply scarred with the remnants of what so little is left, after so much had been taken in a matter of only a few hours. I feel it’s pain, I know it’s ache. I share its battle scars from riding the tails of the roar of the beast, that stole the land of the free & the homes of the brave. But as I look upon this harsh terrain, I am moved to the core as I begin to see more of the fresh beginnings of healing. New growth in the grazing land, tiny colorful buds arising from the depth of the charred earth. I confidently smile as I realize that promise I held onto, when I walked through the valley of darkness & came out of the ashes of despair. “He gives us beauty for ashes, joy for mourning & the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness”. I can see His beauty in this handiwork of new life returning through the ashes. The native wildlife & families of flying creatures are slowly returning & giving birth to their innocent offspring young. Healing has begun on the scars of the mountain. We are connected as one, together in this journey, this pilgrimage. My spirit is renewed as the scars from my heart shed the tears of the wounded. Little by little, that underlying joy is released when I see these new beginnings painted across the mountain tops & valley floors. I can give praise for this newness & gift of bringing life to this still beautiful ridge. “Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest”. Psalm 126:5,6

Oh my heart, my soul does break, each time I drive on these broken roads. I tell myself, ”do not despair, this too shall pass, we shall prevail”. A time to end, a time to begin, from the old to the new, we enter this season with a reason to hope. I know this is only a means to an end, a phase in this process to setting the next stage. So I try to rise above this sorrow, but I need to be real with myself. Take a breath, say a prayer, feel the pain, let it go, start again. Gotta change my point of view with a different attitude & remember this truth; that life goes on in other places, but life is also what we make it. It’s easy to feel lonely & alone in the crowd of unknowns, when family & friends have packed up & gone, taking all that was left. Those who stayed to carry on, like Wayward Sons & Legion Daughters, marching forward like onward soldiers. When this historical news story stopped, the workers came & cleared our burnt lots. They piled up charred logs on rubble plots & downed our crumbled homes. It’s hard to drive through our rustic town, with flag twirlers, tree stompers, Deere drivers & more. There are many hardworking women & masked fellows, in bright colored vests of orange, green, & yellow. On a new normal day of driving through town, I patiently waited as the road crew directors continued to stop all the anxious moving traffic. I watched all the busy bee action, then made my way around the cone lined lanes & headed on up to visit a newly opened place. I passed you by, I saw your face, don’t know your name, but our eyes did meet. Can’t say I looked your way before, but saw you shopping in the grocery store. Now we wave, we say hello, we briefly shared our surviving story. A friendly stranger, now a bonded friend, closer neighbors, kindred spirits. A hug, a handshake, a smile hello, has much more meaning now than ever before. When loved ones come to meet & greet, visit home or sit & eat, my heart is elated, my soul is touched, it soothes this sudden break-up. There is a time to grieve, a time to dance, a time to cry & a time to laugh. Sometimes just listening shows we care, shares the hurt, helps heal each other. Let’s take a chance, one by one let’s take a hand & stand together. These times my friend… we are a changing.

Wanna go down to the river, down to the river to pray. Gonna go down to the river, gotta wash all these blues away! 🎶 Just like that old blues song, I’m singing those blues away. I’m watching this falling rain washing the ashes & dirt down the way. There’s a healing in that cool river water, that’s filled by the tears from heaven. It helps to ease the pain & lifts our sorrow’s away. It’s soothing, refreshing, reviving & life changing! I remember those wonderful carefree times, sitting on the hot boulder rocks, soaking up the warm summer rays & taking a dip at that cool river spot. It was a time to honestly reflect, spiritually connect & quiet the noise in my anxious mind. I was hoping & looking for answers to my numerous questions & life changing directions. My random thoughts & adventurous ways have always taken me to deeper places than most would like to go. I would often venture off the well beaten path & kinda get lost in my own nature walks, or spiritual talks; about life & where I would want to go from here or there. But we’re all really searching, always looking, carefully watching, for some kind of obvious sign. Maybe a word of hidden wisdom or just an intuitive gut feeling. Something that will give us some kind of new hope, needed encouragement, or moving inspiration, to know that everything is somehow gonna be alright. But sometimes I’m just so emotionally & mentally exhausted. Like I have been physically running, almost sprinting, in a long-distance race; to try & fix my complicated life & bring some purposeful meaning to this rapid busy pace. It’s an uneasy feeling, like something is surely wrong, because nothing really seems quite right. We just want to feel like it’s all gonna be okay, that this moment in time will soon pass somehow, somewhere someday. I’m reminded of that old blues song by Louis Armstrong: “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen, nobody knows my sorrow, nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen, nobody knows but Jesus”! I feel that, it moves me right down to my soul, as I hear his gravelly voice singing his blues away. I’ve pondered that song, when the troubles overflow into endless & useless unnerving trials on this road. Gotta let it go, all my sorrows, all my woes, lay this burden down & put this struggle in the ground! Wanna go down to the river, where the living water flows, gonna meet my Sweet Lord there, let Him carry this heavy load. Going down to the river, gotta go down to pray, down at the river, gonna wash all my blues away!

Looking through my stained-glass window across the darkened landscape, I see the Creator’s painted artwork of spring arising. Barren plains of bright green grass, softly cover rolling hills & canyon views, like a velvet moss thrown blanket. Multi colored scenes of wildflower blossoms grace the empty fields. Like Mary’s quite contrary garden, with silver bells & cockle shells & marigolds all in a row. Rushing rivers fill the many small creek beds, from constant rains & snow packed mountains; creating mini waterfalls, flowing down the rough cliff’s edge. Our low tide lake has now reached high, about to reach the border line, where flying geese & boaters share the crisp cool water play. This my friends is Paradise! A fresh bold start has now begun, cleansed the ground & cleared the land; to bear the birth of new found life that breathes & blooms again. Though blackened trees still stand dark, the season’s change has brought some light to gather one a thought. Perhaps a lil spark, of bringing hope & inspiration to our ridge view canyon folk. I know our hearts still break for our broken little town. Yet as we watch this season’s change, I hope we shall remember the good times that we had & not just see the ugly, or only see the bad. Like when we danced the night away to Mustang Sally’s song, with our very own homegrown bands; at the Annual Blues & Brews or at our summer Farmers Market stands! We shared a love for Ridge Strong life, helped peel, core & bake some fresh fruit pies, from our local Noble Orchard store. Time has come today, this change has now begun, we’re moving forward in a new direction to overcome this winter affliction. This is a call to the wild adventurer, a shout to the wounded warrior, a plea to the brave at heart! What once was lost will soon be found, as we are rising up from this broken ground. I know this task is daunting, it’s sometimes vastly haunting. But as we choose to walk this rugged path, let’s break some bread, say a prayer, offer a plea & wipe the dust from our weary feet. We’ve stayed the course, gone the distance, been tested, pulled & tried our patience. But through the raging fire, our hearts burn with desire to a call to arms. Open the gates, raise the flag & man the forts! If God be for us, who can be against us! This is not just a place, this is not just our home, this is what we call Paradise!